I’m big on anticipation. The days leading up to Christmas. The minutes in a slasher film before the killing commences. A deep breath before a sip of nice wine. The opening credits before a bat-ass crazy Eurociné film about Cannibals.
We see the beautiful seaside. We hear the calypso (?) music play, getting bigger and bigger as it goes. We see boats; men are hanging around those boats. And, we see the endless run of people’s names…and there is the title Cannibal Terror. And, none of it seems to belong to the same world. Surely, the cannibal attack won’t occur at a Marina? It’ll be in a jungle, right? Surely, the music playing is not the Native Music of the Cannibals? Who are the people on the boats? Will what we’re seeing or what we’re hearing have anything to do with the rest of the film?
This is a Eurociné film so the answer is not really or “of course not” or just plain No. Boy, it’s great. Every Eurociné film I’ve seen seems to be flown in from “Europe”. A “Europe” I’ll never go to because it is on “Earth”. And, I don’t live there. Luckily, this film begins with this Superb Overture of insanity that seems to coin a new meaning for the word “terror”.
But, the final sign that this movie will be better than you can imagine: the names. A few I recognize but many of them are just plain wonderfully not right. The screen that reads “with Burt Altman/ Stan Hamilton/ Tony Fontaine” is the most intriguing (if, following another route, the credit with “the Little Annabelle” in it is the most charming). Who on Earth could these three people be? Some sort of International Acting Diplomatic Team who was called in (sort of like The A-Team) to act in films like this? Were they the Eurocine Improv Team that used to travel “Europe” making people laugh with endless jokes about fellatio? Or where they the catering crew who got called in to act at the last minute because Eurociné decided to make this film in the morning and shoot it in the afternoon and there were no actors available? Unsolved Mysteries keep us interested forever. Personally, I say that any film that has so many people insisting upon using fake names while making it has to be good. DVD (maybe one day Blu-Ray) good!
Allan W. Steeve seals the deal, like the cannons at the end of The 1812 Overture. I could write an entire article on why that name is superb. If there is a real man with that name, I need to follow his Tweets. If it is a pseudonym, I am jealous that I didn’t think it up myself.
An open door is all we need sometimes. I’ll come in Eurociné…but no reacharounds, I have to insist.
Ok, one. But, be gentle.
Dan Budnik is one of the writers for Bleeding Skull. He lives in Van Nuys, CA.